Poem of the Day: Text me my darling

by John Lancaster

After a Christmassy break, this week sees the return of the grand tradition of Funny Friday here on Poem of the Day. Sadly, this is the last regular Funny Friday, as Poem of the Day is becoming Poem of the Week from now on. Every Friday, a new poem. There'll still be funny ones, just not every week.

Anyway, this piece is lifted from deviantART and, as with the very first Funny Friday, I think the rhyme and maintained rhythm are key to the humour, but so is the excellent spoofing of the subject.

My phone subscription will renew
But I can't contain my Love 4U
My facia's the height of fashion
My keypad rattles with great passion

I need a bit of SMS
If only to relieve the stress
I'll type a ;>) with sexy lashes
Hot Love tonight - In dots and dashes

Text me tonight - Oh, Text me harder!
Or I'll get bored and raid the larder
Text me my darling - Please B mine
O Text me where the sun don't shine!

It's more exciting at peak rates
Please Please B quick - my phone awaits!
Text me my precious - with skill and grace
(I'll orgasm in uppercase)

As mentioned, the original version of this is published at deviantART. Please comment there, and mark it as a favourite too, if you wish.

Poem of the Day: Together forever... until the 8th of December

by 'Daniella'

Today sees the last in a series of five poems about December here on Poem of the Day. It's also Funny Friday, of course, so I have searched out this amusing little piece for your delectation.

It can be surprisingly hard to find funny poems around the web, and even more so if you're after a very specific topic. This was the best I could do, though I don't mind too much as I personally find it quite amusing. The author is a 15-year-old South African who posted it on Poems & Quotes a month ago today (you can read the original posting, with its own comments, here). And that's about all the biographical information I have for you.

Together forever ~ we'll never part
Together forever ~ you have my heart
Noah and Allie in modern day
Through the test of time our love will stay
The perfect couple; meant to be
The perfect couple ~ you and me
"Together forever" is what I remember...
Together forever, till the 8th of December

In the author's words, "I wrote this because my friend kept saying how she knew that my boyfriend and I would last forever and that we're like Noah and Allie from The Notebook, but she already knew that we're gonna break up... so it's pretty ironic."

Next Monday is the 8th, you know. I don't know if they're breaking up then or if this was last year. You can always ask her if you like. Do let us know if you do.

And that's the last Funny Friday until January. Sorry. Why? All will become clear soon enough...

Poem of the Day: Wenceslas: A Boxing Day Poem

by Martin Newell

Did you have a good Christmas? Enjoy Doctor Who? It's all over now...

Well, except for today, of course -- Boxing Day! Hurrah! Everyone -- and every family -- have their own rituals for what happens on Boxing Day, and here's just one -- sort of -- that is also, of course, beholden to Funny Friday (I know I said it would be back in January, but I didn't think I'd find a funny one for Boxing Day).

It's ludicrously long -- easily the longest poem yet featured on Poem of the Day -- so will certainly keep you busy if you need to escape the family for a while.

Wenceslas was woken early,
By the hounds, who wanted out.
Brandy glass and tipped-up ashtray
Where his clothes were strewn about.
Cursing by his old four-poster
Utilising his gazunder
Limbs were stiff and head was aching,
Fit to split his skull asunder.
Christmas Eve had snowed all morning
Forced him out to get the stock in
Trip to town and lunchtime session
Followed by a late-night lock-in.
Memory blurred -- a Tarantino
Hangover was what he'd got --
(That's the one where all the flashbacks
Come, before you get the plot).
Still, he'd hang on to his castle
If he made it pay its way
Now his page stood waiting for him
For this was St Stephen's day
Wenceslas and page were talking
Pipes had frozen overnight
Past the gatehouse they were walking
When a couple came in sight.
Poorly dressed for such bad weather
Gathering their winter fuel
City types, they looked, together
On a country break for Yule
"Page," he asked, "Who are those people?"
Page replied with bridled sneer:
"Sire, they are the London grockles,
Renting your old cottage here."
Page continued: "Most unhappy --
Been here for the past few days
It appears they're having trouble
Coping with our country ways.
Sundry powercuts, snow, what-have-you
Laptops, car and mobile phone
Out of service now, they're stranded
Hungry, cold and quite alone."
Wenceslas, an old patrician
Patriarchal sort of gent
Said: "We can't be having this one
Even though I'm overspent.
Fetch some logs, a festive hamper,
Crate of grog to slake their thirst
It can wait though, till it's lunchtime
While we do some shooting first."

Nikki and her partner Drew
Had flipped a coin for what to do
Thirty-something West Elevens
Found themselves at six and sevens
With the Saturnalia near
Tuscany might be too dear
Suffolk? Cheaper, if less fun
Prudence reigned and Suffolk won
Both employed as health advisors
To the various Czars and Kaisers
Who by cattle-prod or stealth
Police our ailing nation's health
Now though, for their own health's sake
They were on a winter break
Country cottage, bird-life, walking.
Perfect cure for weltschmerz stalking
Sat by fireside, bonding, thinking
Freed from stress-related drinking.
Firstly it had been plain sailing
Till the power-grid started failing
Due to weather most malignant
Now they bickered, cold, indignant.
Chiefly on nutrition issues
By a fire of twigs and tissues
All they had to keep them going
While the Suffolk wind was blowing
From the Russian steppes, unstopping
Troshing at the trees and stropping
At the chimneys, window-ledges
Freezing ponds and bending hedges
Nikki and her partner Drew
Found it took an hour or two
Heating soup with scented candles
Holding saucepans by their handles
Huddled up in duvet jackets
Snacking from organic packets.
Till the knock upon the door
And a stout stentorian roar.

Wenceslas stood beaming proudly.
Twinkle-eyed with outstretched hand
Boomed a Merry Christmas loudly
Gestured back towards his land:
"Brought some pine logs over for you
Took them down myself this year
What with all the various cutbacks
Just one man and me left here.
'Tisn't easy trying to manage
Told we must diversify
Still, despite the fiscal damage
What the hell -- a chap gets by.
Met my page already, have you?
Helps me manage this estate
Yes, I grant he may seem surly
As a stockman though, first rate."
Wenceslas regarded Nikki
Said: "The logs are in the 'Drover
Move it girl, it's freezing out here.
Help me haul the buggers over."
Half an hour or so -- no later
Fire was roaring, cheered the gloom
Warmed the landlord and the peasants
As it flickered round the room.
"Page should be here any minute
With a case of wine and grub.
Can't think where the bastard's got to
Prob'ly stopped off at the pub
Touch and go, the trade round here now
Since they built that by-pass mall.
All the shops will disappear now
At this rate, there'll be sod all.
How d'you say you make your living?
Health advice? That's clever stuff.
Lot of call for that in London?
Citizens seem pale enough.
Hardly feel the need to go there
'Less of course, they give us reason
Then we all troop down together
-- Like that march we held last season."
Wenceslas now paused a second
Rummaged in his waxy cloak
"Haven't had a fag all morning
-- Either of you people smoke?
Can't think where that page has got to
Must have been delayed somehow
Sharpener should clear the headache
Ah! Here comes the fellow now."

In the page came, even surlier
Than he'd been three hours earlier
"Bloody hunt-sabs in the lane.
-- Ran over the fox again.
Accident it would appear
Third time it's occurred this year."
Wenceslas just shrugged and sighed:
"Way it's going country-wide.
Since the Bill was fast-tracked through
They kill more than our side do."
Nikki, shocked at this exchange
Barked: "I find your logic strange.
I hate hunting, so does Drew."
As the awkward silence grew
Wenceslas clapped hands, said: "Fine!
Let's agree to differ. Wine?
It's St Agnes Fountain, red.
Very good indeed they said."
Drew enquired where it was made
Was the import-scheme Fair Trade?
Did the wine upon the table
Have the units marked on label?
Wenceslas just shrugged and sighed:
"Way it's going country-wide.
Since the Bill was fast-tracked through
They kill more than our side do."
Nikki, shocked at this exchange
Barked: "I find your logic strange.
I hate hunting, so does Drew."
As the awkward silence grew
Wenceslas clapped hands, said: "Fine!
Let's agree to differ. Wine?
It's St Agnes Fountain, red.
Very good indeed they said."
Drew enquired where it was made
Was the import-scheme Fair Trade?
Did the wine upon the table
Have the units marked on label?
Can't be fussed to take a test.
-- These bi-focals cost a lot --
Look, d'you want a drink, or not?"
Drew replied that it was fine
Though perhaps he'd best decline
Watch those units and all that
And besides -- it made one fat.
Wasn't worth the risk somehow
Healthier drinking water now.

Wenceslas and page stood muttering
Smoking in the freezing yard
Shaking hands round ciggies sputtering
While the blizzard came down hard
Ordered from the house by Nikki
Whose reaction was dramatic:
Shrieking anti-smoking maxims
In a tone sub-operatic.
Back inside again, the heroes
Dripping like retriever dogs
Found themselves interrogated
On the matter of those logs:
Were they seasoned quite correctly?
God-forbid the wood was green
Lest the smoke be carcinogenic
Which, said Drew, it might have been
Was it not a folly planting
Pine -- a non-deciduous tree
Leaving harsh acidic needles --
When a healthy mulch was key
To the lives of forest creatures,
Nesting birds and generally?
How much better, Nikki hectored
Ash and oak, or beech might be.
Finally, this Christmas hamper...
What was in it, Drew enquired
"Venison and boar," the page said,
Lit the paper and retired.
Which unleashed a further salvo
From the peasants at the pair
In a gale of Nikki's fury
Page and king stood withered there.
Wenceslas withdrew at this point
Pine logs, wine and flesh despatched
Had he not fulfilled his duty?
Even if it wasn't matched
By the gratitude incumbent
On recipients of such.
"Whaddyaknow?" The baffled king said.
Blandly said the page: "Not much."

Wind had dropped, the sky was clear
Moon to cheer the dying year
Sparkling blue on frosted snow
Beckoning the pair to go
Snow had covered up the 'Drover
Feast of Stephen nearly over
Home they went, the mission finished
Cold, but spirits undiminished
Wenceslas and trusty page
Silent for what seemed an age
Till the king produced some brandy
From the flask he'd kept in handy
"Need a tincture in this climate
Weld the balls back on the primate.
Things get worse as we go on.
Years ago, in times long gone
Peasants that you got in those days
Whiffed a bit -- we needed nosegays
When we did the logs-of-pine gig
Garnished with the flesh'n'wine rig
But we found them grateful for it
Fell on it as soon as saw it
These days when you leave the castle
May as well forget the parcel
Best avoided, Feast Of Steve.
Or maybe, I'm being naive."
Peasants - 2. Bohemians - nowt.
Good King Wenceslas, look out.

Said it was long.

Discovered here; originally from The Independent on Sunday in 2004.

TV

It's Children in Need on Friday, which means there won't be time for me to catch up on last Friday's shows as I usually do; which means today and tomorrow will be filled with all their usual stuff, plus Friday's... hence this long list:

Ask Rhod Gilbert
2x08 Episode 8 [season finale]
[Watch it (again) in HD on iPlayer.]

Frozen Planet
Part 3 Summer
[Watch it (again) in HD on iPlayer.]

How I Met Your Mother
7x02 The Naked Truth
[Watch it (again) on 4oD.]

The Impressions Show with Culshaw and Stephenson
3x03 Episode 3
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

Live at the Apollo
7x02 Episode 2
I am shocked to discover Lee Nelson can actually be funny. I mean, the character is still fundamentally annoying, but some of his material was quite good.
[Watch it (again) in HD on iPlayer.]

The Mentalist
4x01 Scarlet Ribbons
Well, that was fairly obviously what was going to happen. Shame in many ways, it would've been interesting for the show to move on beyond its never-ending Red John constraint. Ah well.
[Watch it (again) on Demand 5.]

Pointless
3x37 (3/11/10 edition)
I love it whenever I get a pointless answer, but particularly when I do it in the final, and I was particularly particularly pleased to do it in the final on a tricky Sherlock Holmes question. Yay for me.
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

Spy
1x03 Codename: Grades
This might be the best comedy on TV right now. And it's on Sky. What?

Poem of the Day: The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd

by Sir Walter Raleigh

Today's poem is indeed by the famous Elizabethan "writer, poet, soldier, courtier and explorer". It was written as a response to another piece -- The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe (yep, the Elizabethan dramatist and poet, allegedly a spy, an atheist and a homosexual) -- but the cynicism in Raleigh's reply suits me better.

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Time drives the flocks from field to fold
When rivers rage and rocks grow cold,
And Philomel becometh dumb;
The rest complains of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
To wayward winter reckoning yields;
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall,

Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy beds of roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten--
In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy love.

To nab a brief bit of analysis from Wikipedia's entry on the poem: "It could be considered a criticism, or at least a negative reaction to the original poem, as the nymph is in fact rejecting the shepherd in question quite harshly, and includes many lines that are directly connected to propositions made in Marlowe's poem. However her main reason for rejecting him is more related to her own feelings of mortality and the transience of life".

Tomorrow, it's Funny Friday.

Poem of the Day: To the Dead in the Graveyard Underneath My Window

by Adelaide Crapsey

How can you resist a title like that? Especially when it was written by a woman in 1914.

As for the poem itself, in my estimation it starts off well but begins to meander and go on a bit, getting a little too dense for its own good toward the end. Nonetheless, it's an interesting one.

Written in A Moment of Exasperation

How can you lie so still? All day I watch
And never a blade of all the green sod moves
To show where restlessly you toss and turn,
And fling a desperate arm or draw up knees
Stiffened and aching from their long disuse;
I watch all night and not one ghost comes forth
To take its freedom of the midnight hour.
Oh, have you no rebellion in your bones?
The very worms must scorn you where you lie,
A pallid mouldering acquiescent folk,
Meek habitants of unresented graves.
Why are you there in your straight row on row
Where I must ever see you from my bed
That in your mere dumb presence iterate
The text so weary in my ears: "Lie still
And rest; be patient and lie still and rest."
I'll not be patient! I will not lie still!
There is a brown road runs between the pines,
And further on the purple woodlands lie,
And still beyond blue mountains lift and loom;
And I would walk the road and I would be
Deep in the wooded shade and I would reach
The windy mountain tops that touch the clouds.
My eyes may follow but my feet are held.
Recumbent as you others must I too
Submit? Be mimic of your movelessness
With pillow and counterpane for stone and sod?
And if the many sayings of the wise
Teach of submission I will not submit
But with a spirit all unreconciled
Flash an unquenched defiance to the stars.
Better it is to walk, to run, to dance,
Better it is to laugh and leap and sing,
To know the open skies of dawn and night,
To move untrammeled down the flaming noon,
And I will clamour it through weary days
Keeping the edge of deprivation sharp,
Nor with the pliant speaking on my lips
Of resignation, sister to defeat.
I'll not be patient. I will not lie still.

And in ironic quietude who is
The despot of our days and lord of dust
Needs but, scarce heeding, wait to drop
Grim casual comment on rebellion's end;
"Yes, yes . . Wilful and petulant but now
As dead and quiet as the others are."
And this each body and ghost of you hath heard
That in your graves do therefore lie so still.

And after all that talk of death, remember: tomorrow's Funny Friday.

Poem of the Day: December

by Helen Hunt Jackson

This week Poem of the Day is celebrating the start of December, with a poem each day somehow related to the month. On Monday and Tuesday we had a pair of English poets, and yesterday was the first in a pair of Americans.

Jackson's December is the final piece in a book of poetry entitled A Calendar of Sonnets, originally published in 1886. I'm sure you can guess the subject of the eleven preceding pieces. If you're interested, you can read the whole book for free at Project Gutenberg.

The lakes of ice gleam bluer than the lakes
Of water 'neath the summer sunshine gleamed:
Far fairer than when placidly it streamed,
The brook its frozen architecture makes,
And under bridges white its swift way takes.
Snow comes and goes as messenger who dreamed
Might linger on the road; or one who deemed
His message hostile gently for their sakes
Who listened might reveal it by degrees.
We gird against the cold of winter wind
Our loins now with mighty bands of sleep,
In longest, darkest nights take rest and ease,
And every shortening day, as shadows creep
O'er the brief noontide, fresh surprises find.

As usual, it concentrates primarily on nature. I suppose it's no surprise that all the poetry found easily online is quite old -- it's a copyright thing, I should imagine -- and therefore obviously not concerned with aspects of modern experience

Tomorrow, we end the week with a December-themed Funny Friday.

Poem of the Day: Haiku Achoo

by Richard Nelson

It's another Funny Friday entry for Poem of the Day this week, with this seasonally-appropriate haiku penned by none other than your faithful cultural guide (i.e. me). This was composed for no reason other than I wanted to, and is a completely original premiere just for this blog. Aren't you lucky?

In cold winter months,
breeze biting inside one's nose
means swift expulsion.

I'm sure that excellent (if I say so myself) title must've been thought of and used before, but what's truly original these days, hm?

TV

As Seen on TV
1x01 Episode 1
It's funny that two TV-related quiz shows should start up so close together. While this isn't as funny as You Have Been Watching (see further down), it is more of a quiz, which increases the play-along-at-home factor. I also thought a lot of it was very easy... but maybe that just means I watch too much TV...
As a side note, it felt quite at home on a Friday, but from episode two has moved to Thursdays. Why? (I appreciate the extreme irony in saying this having watched it on a Thursday.)
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

Dragons' Den
7x02 Episode 2
Another excellent, unusual finale for the second week in a row -- not to mention the poker player earlier in the episode -- suggests this is shaping up to be a very good series.
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

The Mentalist
1x16 Bloodshot
A new episode was on tonight, but I'm still a few weeks behind playing catch-up. An episode with a lot of potential here, and some relatively important moments in the series' ongoing subplots, but some ideas (the blindness, taking hostages inside the CBI) still felt a little wasted.
[Watch it (again) on Demand Five.]

You Have Been Watching
1x03 (21/7/09 edition)
Brilliant brilliant brilliant. If you haven't already, watch it.
[Watch it (again) on 4oD.]

TV

Black Mirror
2x02 White Bear

Class
1x01 For Tonight We Might Die
The new Doctor Who spin-off has a strong start here. It's basically The Sarah Jane Adventures multiplied by Torchwood, but with a good set of characters to help enliven that familiar format. Similarly, the bit where it tips its hat to all the other TV shows with a similar basic setup is funny, but does make you wonder how it might fare in the longer run. We'll see -- it's earnt a chance.
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

The Great British Bake Off
7x09 Patisserie Week
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do the Time Warp Again
[#165 in 100 Films in a Year 2016]
Coming to Sky Cinema over here next Friday, when I'll review it.

TV

Cracker
1x05 To Say I Love You Part 3
[Watch it (again) on ITV Player.]

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross
16x04 (13/2/09 edition)
Including a clip from The Pink Panther 2 which perfectly encapsulated why it (and films like it) are so hated: it started with a genuinely funny, workable idea -- I even laughed -- and then ruined it by pushing things too far, making it utterly ridiculous and completely overdoing it. Tsk.
That aside, good guests this week (or last week, really).
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

this week on 100 Films

Three brand-new reviews were published to 100 Films in a Year this week, and they were...


Contagion (2011)

Director Steven Soderbergh takes the methodology he used to depict the drug trade in Traffic — an ensemble cast divided among a portmanteau of colour-coded storylines to examine different aspects of the theme — and applies it to the outbreak of a devastating global pandemic.

Read more here.


The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

If you’ve read or seen a previous version then you know the story, which hasn’t succumbed to a massive reworking for this American remake — it’s still set in Sweden, even. If you don’t... The novel’s original title translates as Men Who Hate Women, and that’s a pretty succinct summary of the grim, violent, nasty places the stories take us.

Read more here.


Shivers (1975)

The first commercial (i.e. non-student) feature by horror maestro-to-be David Cronenberg, Shivers depicts the sexually-charged chaos that erupts after the spread of a man-made sexually-transmitted parasite in an isolated hyper-modern tower block.

Read more here.


Plus six archive posts were reposted on the new blog...


Audrey Hepburn, er, ‘Week’…

Channel 4 attempted a week of Audrey Hepburn films. Except for some reason they didn’t schedule one for Monday. And then Friday’s, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, was replaced by delayed horse racing. And for my part, I forgot to record Thursday’s film, Funny Face. So following Valentine’s Day, Channel 4 showed a pair of Audrey Hepburn films

Read more here.


Hercules’ New Groove

Hercules and The Emperor’s New Groove are connected by two things: firstly, they’re among the first Disney films I didn’t see because I’d Grown Up; secondly, I’m not sure I’d’ve wanted to see them anyway because I always thought they looked rubbish... Finally seeing this pair now, I find that my expectations were surprisingly flouted in one case, and sadly vindicated in another.

Read more here.


A pair of comedies — one with snow!

It’s Christmas Eve!... As I have no Christmassy films stacked up in my big pile of things I need to get round to reviewing, I’ve decided the nearest I can offer to the Christmas spirit is a pair of British comedies (comedies being kinda jolly, see), one of which has snow, which is always Christmassy. Except when it’s just at the North Pole. Like in this film. Oh shh, it’s the best I could do.

Read more here.


Robin Hood, without the realism

By the vagaries of chance, I wound up watching two classic (read: old) Robin Hood-related films around the time Ridley Scott’s new realistic (read: still all made-up, but ‘gritty’) film was in cinemas. So for those who felt Scott's Robin Hood lacked the necessary swashing of buckles, what about this pair?

Read more here.


A week of vengeance

Each day this week I’ll be posting a new review of a film about vengeance... The films I’ve picked out are British thriller Harry Brown, flop comic book Western Jonah Hex, classic ’70s Western High Plains Drifter, and violent action-thriller Law Abiding Citizen.

Read more here.


What price a 'Definitive Cut'?

The question of a ‘definitive version’ comes in the multitude of Director’s Cuts, Extended Cuts, Harder Cuts, Extreme Cuts — whatever label the marketing boys & girls slap on them, Longer Versions You Didn’t See In The Cinema is what they are. But are they better? Or more definitive? Does it matter?

Read more here.


More next Sunday.

Articles

Mamma Mia! breaks UK film record
(from BBC News)
I'm not convinced by the stats in this story. Why are Harry Potter films included and Bond films not? Both are funded by US studios as much / more so than anything British. If Bond was included, Casino Royale would place 3rd on that chart.

Michael G. Wilson: Bond 23 Work To Begin Early Next Year by Matt Weston
(from CommanderBond.net)
The new one's barely out, but it's time to talk about the next! "Last time when we were in post production on Casino Royale we were already working on Quantum of Solace. This time we haven’t started, but in January we are going to get some writers together and start kicking some ideas around."

Nolan dismisses Superman crossover by Simon Reynolds
(from Digital Spy)
Thank goodness! That's not to stop DC doing it anyway, of course.

Quantum of Solace Sets Box Office Record In UK by Devin Zydel
(from CommanderBond.net)
"Quantum of Solace got off to a momentous start in the UK yesterday with a stuning $8 million (£4.94 million) debut -- the biggest Friday opening of all time in the UK. In comparison, the previous record holder was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which had a $6.5 million (£4 million) opening. Along with Thursday previews, Casino Royale managed $4.7 in its opening day." It's like The Dark Knight all over again... only on a much smaller scale...

Roger's little rule book by Roger Ebert
(from Roger Ebert's Journal at the Chicago Sun-Times)
Wise words and sage advice (there's not one in there about cliches) from one of the world's most respected film critics.

S. Darko actor defends movie by Michael Thornton
(from Digital Spy)
"Jackson Rathbone said that the [Donnie Darko] sequel, which is released next year, "goes beyond" the idea of the original film, insisting that it should not be simply dismissed as a cash-in." We'll see, eh? "S. Darko is set seven years after the original film and tells the story of Donnie's little sister Samantha and her friend Corey, who experience bizarre visions on a road trip to Los Angeles."

Wahlberg's Daughter Loves Seeing Him In Pain
(from WENN)
Funny story.

TV

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross
16x24 (17/7/09 edition) [U2 interview]
Bono really is quite insufferable, isn't he.
[Watch it (again) on iPlayer.]

Stephen Fry: Guilty [2nd watch]
More repeats, but this is a great one-off: certifiable genius and national treasure Stephen Fry chats about the things he loves but thinks he shouldn't. Intelligent and fascinating as always.

This Morning
17/7/09 edition
Fern Britton's last show, after 10 years.

You Have Been Watching
1x02 (14/7/09 edition)
Had been intending to watch this sooner but completely forgot. It's absolutely brilliant though, perfectly positioned on C4 to be cuttingly funny without anyone moaning too much. It's also surprisingly, pleasingly long. Quite why there's a vague quiz format tacked on is a mystery though -- surely four comedians/experts taking the mick out of the week's TV is fine by itself? (Though at least they acknowledged it was just bolted on.)
This particular edition is particularly notable for commentary on the coverage of Michael Jackson's memorial -- suitably irreverent.
[Watch it (again) on 4oD.]

Collection Count

Collection Count tracks my DVD/Blu-ray collection via a number of statistics every week.

There was almost some funny goings on with the numbering this week — totals going down even as new titles poured in — but, eventually, enough new stuff turned up to tip the tide, and now everything just goes up. Except for DVDs. Poor old DVDs.

The biggest culprit was the new remastered Blu-ray box set of Doctor Who series 1-4 + specials, which replaces my Steelbook copies of series 1-4... but not the specials, because the new set leaves out a whole disc from the old set. So close to being a perfect re-release, argh! On the bright side, those Steelbooks go for a small fortune, so I should make some decent money back when I get round to selling them. (Unless their value now drops...) But anyway, as that new set worked out as one Blu-ray replacing four Blu-rays, but still adding to other totals (like disc and TV episode counts), you can perhaps see where things got muddly.

Then, I bought four things on UHD during the Black Friday sales, including a BD-to-4K upgrade and a DVD-to-4K upgrade. Again, various numbers going up and down all over the place. But throw in two titles from Eureka that turned up slighty ahead of their official release dates, and overall everything goes up. Except, as I said, for poor old DVDs.

Number of titles in collection: 3,200 [up 1]
Of which DVDs: 1,020 [down 1]
Of which Blu-rays: 2,180 [up 2]
— of which Ultra HD Blu-rays: 315 [up 4]

Number of discs in collection: 7,811 [up 10]
Number of films: 3,936 [up 4]
Number of additional cuts: 349 [up 2]
Number of TV episodes: 9,665 [up 5]
Number of short films: 1,101 [no change]

And all of that occured just in time for the latest monthly running time update...

Total running time of collection (approx.):
551 days, 11 hours, and 5 minutes.
(Up 2 days, 1 hour, and 10 minutes from last month.)

See you next week, faithful reader.